Been one hectic one and a half weeks and even with all the mid-semester stress one particular incident did happen that I and ‘THE DALI’ of Web designing felt was worthy of taking blog space. So THE DALI was on the way for lectures via the best form of public transport Sri Lanka offers (THE BUS), when old lady in PURPLE SARI makes her way to the back seats where THE DALI was seated. THE DALI felt PURPLE SARI was familiar. A distant relative perhaps? Someone from the neighbourhood? THE DALI was aware that PURPLE SARI’S posterior movements and general body language indicated that she wished THE DALI to display model Sri Lankan youth’s magnanimous qualities; rise from seat and give it to PURPLE SARI with radiant smile. THE DALI was not in mood to be that model youth. In fact THE DALI felt weak and drained and that in the event PURPLE SARI confronted THE DALI, that she would inform her with a polite cough that she was suffering from ‘consumption’, (may I add that DALI is a huge ‘phobi-ach’ and for THE DALI to have decided to pronounce such an ‘untruth’ it was indeed un-natural and therefore bound to cause some sort of cosmic imbalance which would consequence in some mishap or close call, which is after all why she is such an ardent ‘phobi-ach’ in the first place).
Anyway after arriving at destination THE DALI – to her dismay realised that the department had mixed up her lecture times and decided to accompany me to ask department what we were to do with ourselves. When heading towards department, DALI stalls and spins around in her heals and whispers ‘OMG that’s the purple lady in the bus I didn’t give the seat to’. I turn to look and see her frozen in position about to enter her chambers (the English teaching unit), armed with Malu paang and Kesel. As soon as my eyes fell on her I felt that sick feeling in stomach when unpleasant memories come rushing into mind. My mind had slowed down her movement. I watched as she took vigorous bites off her Malu paang with closed eyes and then off her Kesel, her eyes closed relishing each bite. Crumbs of bread stuck to the corners of her mouth and with each consecutive bite the crumbs fell only to be replaced by more.
Memories of being rudely awoken from some darn good dreams by and old lady who looked a lot like this one flooded in. After washing my face I would be sitting at the dining room table my O/level maths text book open trying to dearly hold on to the few grains of dream slipping rapidly from my mind as she marked my homework. Then came the tea and toast. O lord how I dreaded the tea and toast ritual. She would bite off the toast and crumbs would fall on my text book, but that wasn’t what bothered me. No. It was what came after. She would lift her tea cup and ‘ SLUUURRRRRPPPPP....’ my teeth would go on edge and body would cringe to the sound of her savouring its taste and even though I dare not look I would look up just in time to see a singular drop of tea that escaped her mouth drip off her lips, then chin and splash on my text book. If she noticed, she would wipe it off with her palm, if not the drop would be left to dry, leaving a permanent scar on its ‘till then’ unscathed page.
I was brought back from my tortured past with a shudder by DALI who informed me that the coast was clear and we could continue with mission – confirmation that the class was cancelled. We proceed towards department to unravel our fate when out pops ENGLISH AROUND ... I mean ACROSS THE WORLD to ask us what’s going on. After a few blank expression exchanges we confirm what we already knew – that lectures were cancelled and that they will resume in an hour. Of course this isn’t what’s worth blogging about. It was what was going on behind DALI while exchanging blank expressions and fake remorse at lecture times being mixed up with ENGLISH ACROSS THE WORLD. While expressing fake remorse DALI was moving back and forth, unaware that PURPLE SARI was preying... I mean standing behind her, armed now with Kesel lella. Purple Sari stared intently at back of DALI’s head and DALI kept moving back and forth while expressing fake remorse to ENGLISH ACROSS THE WORLD. I watched in horror as only I had noticed PURPLE SARI and DALI saw my pallid face but couldn’t for the life of her fathom why it was pallid. Little did she know that purple sari well equipped with Kesel lella seemed preparing herself to box out DALI’s ears. When ENG ACROSS THE WORLD had moved away DALI seized to sway and just before any bodily contact could have happened giving PURPLE SARI and opening to commence onslaught on DALI, I managed to pull her away. On our way back to class DALI asks – ‘why did you have that perpetual look of horror on your face every time you looked at me?’ I gestured behind me and said “PURPLE SARI was right behind you looking as if she was waiting to make your ear drums bleed”. DALI began to laugh. I just wiped my forehead.
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